How to Have Tough Conversations at Work

Often, the demands we face at work go well beyond getting things off our task and to-do list. These demands can begin to weigh on us and consequently add a lot of stress to your plate. Stressors can come from may relate to management of the workplace, one’s workload, or difficulties with co-workers or employees. Consider the example of a team member or leader becoming aware of imbalances in how a peer or employee is pulling their weight at the office. Your first instinct likely will not be to have the person fired, but you will undoubtedly recognize that the employee needs some feedback in order to recognize that a change is needed. This is a pretty common experience, one that is even more complicated if you work with friends or family members and do not want to ruin the relationship by being critical.

We can all probably relate to the discomfort of having these sorts of difficult conversations. You may even see the similarities to situations that are not professional related. Maybe you notice that one sibling is not helping out as much with care of your aging parents. Indeed, we all experience some sort of conflict in our lives where productivity and responsibility conflict with our relationships.

Before initiating a difficult conversation, it is important to start with a period of honest reflection, with the intention of widening your perspective to alternative explanations for the experience. Next, we must move towards an open and collaborative dialogue where both sides can have an opportunity to feel heard.
 
Managing a conversation where there is a need to be assertive while simultaneously attempting to minimize conflict is difficult. There are some guidelines, however, that can certainly help navigate these sorts of difficult conversations:

1. Pick a neutral location and schedule time in advance without distraction
   
2. Introduce the purpose of the meeting
   
3. Acknowledge the strengths and successes of the other person
   
4. Ask the other person for their thoughts as to how things have been going to determine if they recognize any areas of weakness
   
5. Ask about barriers that may have prevented progress /change in the past 
   
6. Listen to what they say by actively hearing what they say and not trying to immediately generate counterpoints while they are talking 
   
7. Summarize their key points to make them feel understood
   
8. Share your feelings and concerns about their efforts/productivity/progress/efficiency 
   
9. Then ask for feedback about yourself to make it a collaborative growth effort and recognize how you too may have contributed to the situation
   
10. Summarize the points made by the other person by taking their constructive feedback seriously
    
11. Together decide on what the new plan of change will be by creating clear, specific, and measurable strategies and deadlines
    
12. Thank them for the honesty and time
    
13. Schedule a follow up meeting to reassess progress
    

Have you ever had a situation where these tips might have come in handy? 

While work generally is not a day full of fun and games, it should also not be an environment that completely drains you of your emotional resources. When the balance is off, assess, discuss, and act. It is quite likely that you are not the only one feeling the imbalance and we may find their are allies all around us looking to get things back on track.

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 Image: 2017 Detroit career exploration trip and reception by Gerald R Ford School of Public Policy. See side panel for further copyright information.