Living with your partner, roommate or family members can be challenging on a normal day, but for many of us we have been cooped up with them, and only them, for several weeks now. The sudden change in our day-to-day environment might be perceived as added quality time for some, but it may also trigger frustration, spark arguments and feel suffocating for others.
It is important to remind ourselves that it is ok to feel like we need a break from “quality time” and that it does not mean we do not love our housemates. Quarantine has come with stress of the world and anxiety about our health, so it is only natural for that to make us emotionally fragile in our relationships with loved ones when feeling like we have no escape.
In times like these, it is important to speak openly with our cohabitors about creating new boundaries and guidelines for personal space. Having these conversations early and explicitly may feel awkward or confrontational, but it may be worth it in the name of peace in the home. Problem solving together as housemates may look like designating specific areas of the living space to be private vs. communal, or certain hours of the day to have allocated time to ourselves. This time can be spent practicing self care (e.g., going for a walk or taking some time to read) that may recharge your patience with that loved one.
The important thing is that you discuss these needs for increased personal space with an honest but empathic tone that can lead to an open dialogue with your roommate where you can problem solve together. By ensuring that you have these discussions with compassion, you may be able to prevent added tension from brewing in the small living space.
On the other end of the spectrum, many romantic relationships have recently had the added challenge of being separated during these times of quarantine. This may be due to their profession as a healthcare provider with the increased health risks or recent travel. Many may be feeling like they are now in a “long distance” relationship that they never signed up for.
Being separated for multiple weeks from an intimate partner may change the dynamic and the way you are able to relate to each other. Perhaps as a couple you used to be very physically affectionate. Now phone calls and video calls add pressure to communicate intimacy, a very different expectation from your relationship norms. These times may invoke added expectations from a loved one to make the other person feel extra comforted and considered when distance does not allow for the love language of quality time. In these situations, it can become frustrating when one person expects the other partner to send flowers or an amazon delivery gift to make the other person feel cared for when in the past they had never had to think in this creative mode.
I suggest being extra sensitive to the needs of your partner, communicate with clarity what you need and ask what they need at this time, and try your best to make a small gesture to show that you care, even if it is simply sending a cute e-card to show them that you are thinking of them.
What creative solutions have you found for these problems?
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Jessica is a member of the clinical wellness and learning support team at FLEX Psychology. Jessica started Wellness Wednesday out of a desire to provide further opportunities for her clients to extend their wellness journey to all avenues of their life. You can learn more about Jessica by clicking here or by learning more about her and the clinical team at FLEX Psychology by clicking here.